Women & Money: The Shit We Don't Talk About!
Women & Money: The Shit We Don't Talk About!
Falling In Love With Spending After Divorce With Erica Bennett
In this episode, we are joined by Erica Bennett (your favorite Crazy Ex-Wife), a global training guru, success architect, and a woman obsessed with helping you rewire the fear that is holding you back. As her community insinuates, Erica specializes in helping divorced women navigate their healing journey from personal experience. With over 20 years of training and coaching, Erica brings her blend of “woo and do” to help you line up with your desires and take action for your success.
She shares her personal journey from a high-powered corporate career into the deep (and sometimes messy) world of emotional healing, money fears, and finding strength in community. Erica gets real about what it means to build emotional resilience and take back control of your financial life, especially when everything feels uncertain.
She also shares the story behind The Crazy Ex-Wives Club, a wildly supportive online space that offers healing, curated gifts, and community for women navigating divorce. If you’ve ever felt like you’re starting over, this episode will remind you that you’re not alone, and there are tools, resources, and people who’ve got your back.
Are you ready to take the next step? Join our weekly Money Talks series every Thursday at 11am CT! Register for FREE to gain access to our weekly sessions where Purse Strings-approved professionals discuss various financial topics. Click here to register now and bring your questions!
Got a unique financial story to share? Whether it’s about crushing debt, building wealth, an unexpected windfall, or just a wild money moment, we want to hear it! Or are you a professional who helps women with money? If you’re a financial coach, attorney, CPA, or work in any area that empowers women financially, we’d love to hear from you too! Your story could inspire our community of women. Fill out our intake form here!
Follow & connect with Erica!
Connect with us!
Resources
- Have questions? Click this to check out our expert Q&A for tips from industry experts, tailored to help women address their most common financial concerns.
- Subscribe to our newsletter to receive financial tips delivered weekly here!
- Explore our free guides to help you on your financial journey
[00:00:00] Gloria Steinem once said, we will never solve the feminization of power until we solve the masculinity of wealth. Barbara Provost and Maggie Nielsen are the team at purse strings that will help you navigate the ins and outs of financial independence so that you can be financially fearless. This is women in money, the shit we don't talk about.
Maggie: So just like everybody else I read, let Them by Mel Robbins, and there was this whole section on kind of like friendships, and how sometimes they last or sometimes they don't. But I wish I remembered it a little bit better. But they're either there for the season, the stage or something else, proximity time, something like that.
Right? And so like. In school, you have all those friends. 'cause they're all like close. You're all there in like time, proximity, life stage seems like college. But then when you get older it's kind of weird or harder just 'cause it's like [00:01:00] some have kids, some are in school, some are waitressing, some are working nine to five.
But you always find those people who are still kind of like in that same stage as you, and so like I have my walk group and a lot of those people are just like young, single, still trying to navigate life, not all of 'em, but most of 'em. But I think about like, when you raised us, you always had like a bunch of moms and all of the kids were kind of the same age, and now like, you might not be as close to some of them as you might've were before.
But you know, this, we all moved on. The kids weren't there at the time, the proximity. But. We always need that community around us, with like whatever we're going through and people who can relate and who've, some who've been there, some who need some guidance. And I know when you went through divorce, you kind of joined a group of women who you navigated that with.
We've talked about that before. I always thought you guys were just like sitting in chairs in someone's dining room. That's how I just always pictured it. But you needed that community around you. That's been like, I've been through it. I'm a little behind you, I'm a little in front of [00:02:00] you, and let's get through this together 'cause it's the same time and proximity and all that other stuff.
And so that's, what our guests today, Erica was kind of talking about and kind of creating as well is that community for divorce because she knows how you do need that to kind of. Come together, talk about it, deal with those emotions. No, maybe you're crazy. Maybe you're not crazy. But to go into it together, as women, we always need that tribe.
I mean, even back in the day, we always had tribes.
Barb: Yeah, it's a very good point, especially because as you navigate life, like you said, those communities change. And I did have a network of moms as we were raising our children and as those children grew up and moved off and on, we did as well and as we're still good friends, but navigating different lifestyles, right?
One for me, I'm more, my community is more. Business women, I would say is more of my community. Also tennis friends. Now I have a community of tennis players. But when I was going through divorce, I had a [00:03:00] community of women who were strangers when we walked into that room. But now, today are still. Some of my closest friends and allies who I still talk with today because we went through something that was, serious and emotional and it bound us together because we were sharing that experience together.
And that's what I love about Erica's group, the crazy ex-wife's club because as she said, everyone thinks when they go on a date, the guy always says, oh, my, my ex-wife is crazy. Aren't they always? But the reality is when we are navigating life. We go through a lot of different things.
We go through, the death of some of our family members. We go through divorce, we go through widowhood we go through raising our children, a lot of emotional ups and downs, and sometimes we need a soft place to land. And that's in community. And I think when women come together, as we always say, they form.
Webs that can [00:04:00] catch us when we need a place to fall. And I think that's so beautiful. What Erica is creating for women going through divorce and so needed because divorce is prevalent. A lot of women are going through it. It's not something that you have experience in, you're just kind of in it when you're in it.
And I think what she's creating as far as community will be a great asset for women. To dive into and take a hold of to help them navigate this time of life.
Maggie: Yeah, I think this is gonna be a great community for a lot of women. So before we dive in, let me share a little bit about Erica. She is a global training guru Success. Architect and a woman obsessed with helping you rewrite the fear that is holding you back. Erica specializes in helping divorce women navigate the healing journey.
With over 20 years of training and coaching experience, Erica brings her blend of Woo and do to help you line up your desires and take actions for your success. So let's dive into [00:05:00] this latest episode.
Welcome
Erica Bennett to the Women and Money. Shit, we don't talk about podcast. We are so excited to have you on today. And so before we dive in, I would love you to just introduce yourself to the audience, who you are, what you do, and kind of your story that started you on this professional journey.
Erica: Yeah. Thank you guys for having me. I'm looking forward to our chat today. Hello listeners. My name's Erica. I am your favorite crazy ex-wife. I, host a podcast called The Crazy Ex-Wives Club, where I help you not feel overwhelmed and stressed from all the emotions of separation and divorce. But what I really do is help you learn how to take back your life from fear, from those emotions that hold us back from getting stuck helping you find your way forward.
Maggie: Awesome. And what was kind of like your impetus to get this started? And I love the name, by the way. Crazy Ex-Wife. I mean, that's just a great title,
Erica: I mean, we're all crazy a little bit, but we wanna be crazy in the good [00:06:00] way, right? Crazy in the good way. Is passionate crazy in the good way is love and abundance, where you're like, yeah, that person's being crazy on the drive to work, but I'm gonna sprinkle you with love as I drive by you and wish you well for your day.
So, okay. What got me started right is, so I spent 20 years in corporate America. My job was sales training. So what do we need to do to thrive? What do we need to do to win? And when you're in corporate, that's, sell more upgrade more, right? And they're very set behaviors, things that we can see, things we can hear so that we can coach you and help you be better in your job.
But in that role, we started to add in trainings that really helped you be a better balanced person. And I was like, this is the jam you guys, we can't have better employees until we have better humans. Well, when my separation and then divorce hit. It really rocked my world because as somebody who's always loved self-help and self-improvement and self-development, there wasn't anything I couldn't fix.
I could go research it. I could find a new book, I could apply a new [00:07:00] technique, and I could fix whatever the problem was, and I couldn't fix the problem in my marriage. I couldn't fix the problem of him being done and walking out, and so it set me down a new path of understanding that well, yes, behaviors, taking action, those things are important.
It's like 10% of what really matters and 90% is what's happening in our mind, the thoughts, the emotions, the places that are still holding us back. And so I dove deep into understanding, fear, how it keeps us stuck, what it does to our mind and our body, how it really starts to control us. And then in 23, 23, launched the podcast and really honed in specifically on helping divorced women because when you are.
Trying to navigate the biggest transition of your life, the transition that rewrote your family, your support system, your friends, your home, your money, your job, all the things. It kicks up so much fear and so many of those old stories, and we [00:08:00] can't be better happy individuals until we deal with all that stuff that's holding us back.
Barb: Ah, man, sister, been there, done that. You're absolutely right. So, what is one of the biggest fears in deciding to start over after divorce? What do you find as you navigate this and as you work with women?
Erica: Yeah. You know, My biggest fear was money, which is funny. It's not funny. But I had a job. I was the breadwinner of the family. So to sit in a space of like, huh, you were making really good money. You'd been there a lot of years. You were a director level. Why are you worried about money?
It's because money is so crucial to everything we do, right? Our, Our survival, our freedom, everything is tied into this thing of, can I still afford to live the way that I have become accustomed to living? And so it doesn't really matter whether you are a stay at home. Mom and are not working, or you are [00:09:00] working or you're not making enough.
I think the biggest fear that always gets kicked up is around money.
Maggie: And so how do you help people start moving through kind of this fear?
Erica: Right. And that's where. My approach, the woo and the do we need a little of both, right? Because we could read, I had to write a class when I worked for corporate, I wrote a class for salon owners on how to run a more financially stable location. And so I had done a lot of research, read a lot of books, right?
I was even starting to read books, like specific on how can women manage their money, right? And there's these checklists of things that we can do and we know them right? Do you have an automatic transfer set up every single month moving into savings? Is your money working for you, not just sitting in a low interest savings account?
How are we not impulse shopping on Amazon and at Target? Are we avoiding the stores when we don't really need things? Okay, that's all well and good. That's the do stuff of it. But if I don't fix the woo, the energetic money stories you've [00:10:00] grown up with. We can't change what you're doing. We can't change the impulse by, which is really an emotional hit of, I just need to feel a little bit better right now.
If we don't look at, well, what's causing that and where did this story of lack and that you'll never have enough or never be safe come from, and then we play the game. So then we play the game of looking for all the places you do already have it. I'm so grateful that I was able to pay my bills this month.
I love that there was five extra dollars at the end of the month. I love that I have the ability, if I really like today at back to back meetings, I love that I have the freedom or the ability to go grab a lunch somewhere else.
Those are all ways that we're rewiring and creating a sense of safety and security around our money. And it starts with just looking for where the abundance already is, no matter how small it's.
Maggie: I love that. 'cause there is, I mean, I can just picture in my head those checklists that we all like diligently track off, but it's not. As satisfying, [00:11:00] if we're just like, kind of then deprive ourselves from all the things that we kind of wanted without really looking, at the other side of what we have been able to provide ourselves, what we do have going for us, that we still can have that little treat in there, whatever it may be.
It's not this all or nothing thing. But it's also looking at all the other stuff I accomplished. I can keep this roof over my head. I can keep the water running, which I know some days seems like small and it's.
like, of course I can, but. But maybe not always, of course. Not everyone has that luxury, and so you have to be thankful for those things that are not, that become just second nature.
Erica: Because we get so stuck seeing the gap. Okay. So I loved, I was in my separation, one of the magical moments as I manifested being sent to London for work. Okay? So the beauty is that the money part, right? Work is paying to send you. So the hotel was covered and the flight was covered and whatever.
And if you've ever been over there, there's signs everywhere. Mind the gap before you get on the tube. And that's what we have to do. We have to mind the gap. 'cause we're always looking for like, well, I'm here but I [00:12:00] wanna be there. Oh, look how big that gap is between where I am and where I wanna get to.
Well, mind the gap just means look at where you're at and look at what do I already have that is aligned with where I'm trying to go? Because we forget to celebrate the things. Especially, right now I'm trying to work out of moved. The house space. Is it big enough? Do we need a bigger house?
How are we gonna afford a bigger house? Can we afford a bigger house? Well, we get so stuck on the hunt for the next house. That we stop sitting back and being like, well, I do really love this space and I love the fact that we're so accustomed to what this mortgage is and everything. The bills are paid.
And so that awareness of now how am I safe, secure, I am okay right now while I am minding the gap to build where I'm trying to go.
Maggie: Are they gonna love it or list it?
Barb: Yeah.
Maggie: But that's so similar. I mean, Barb and I always talk about this because there's a book that we read, I think it's just called The Gap of the [00:13:00] Gain. Something like that. And it just kind of always looking how, if you put your arm out right, you always want what's out there, but you don't see all those miles that you've come.
And so even, we have those hard days, it's like, all right, we see the gap, but what's the gain? Because you'll always. Before we always wanted a podcast, now we're here. And it's like, well, I want more downloads. Like before you just wanted the podcast, and so we definitely resonate with that.
And that's a big one that we always come back and talk about as well as kind of that gap in the
Barb: yeah, and there's so many shifts when you go through divorce. Everything is shifting and money is shifting. Like you say, it is the foundation of so much and for many women, it's the first time they're making a lot of their own financial decisions, which can be very scary for some women.
And looking at money as a tool, really as a tool that they can use to help manage and navigate their life and make good financial decisions. So. Do you teach a mindset shift? I know this gap in the gain. [00:14:00] But also do you teach, like what are some small money habits that you can formulate? How do you start feeling more in control of your money?
Things like that.
Erica: Yeah, so I really start first with the belief system because what's happening when we say money, like if I just talk, let's talk money. What's literally happening in your physical body? Most likely especially if you're stressed about money, you're feeling tense.
Barb: Yeah.
Erica: it in your chest, your shoulders have raised, you're not breathing as much.
Well, I can't get to any sort of logical aspect of your brain, the magical part of your brain if we haven't dealt with your nervous system being ready to fight or flight. And so we've gotta play a little bit of a game to rewire some of those reactions in the body. And it's not as simple as just saying, well, I don't need to worry about money. I mean, I could tell myself that the paycheck came in every two weeks. We don't. Why are you worried about money that's so dumb? Well then why was I still worrying about it? Cause my nervous system was running the show. Right? [00:15:00] That reptilian part of your brain, the first part, takes over instantly and it triggers, do I need to fight?
Do I need a flight? Do I need to freeze? Right? What do I need to do? And so I actually start a lot with some money games. Like, I really love, there's one, if you've heard about writing the check to yourself and put that check in your wallet. And so every time you open it up, you laugh a little bit, you're like, ha, this money is on its way to me. This problem is going to be solved. Like, I've turned it over. There's something coming. I also would play the game of like finding pennies. Every time you find a penny on the floor, wherever you are stopping, you're picking it up. You're like, oh my God, the money is being sent to me. The thing is already happening. And now the other one I would do, which is a little spicier, is I used to imagine that all the money in my bank account was actually just fornicating all night and reproducing on its own
Barb: Well, when you talk about compound interest.
Erica: right? Like, 'cause sometimes I'd be like, wow, there's still money [00:16:00] in there. How is there still money in there? I was like, well, they must be busy all night long
Barb: That's right.
Erica: But when we add a little humor to it. Right. Our nervous system can calm down and once
our nervous system can calm down, now we can start actually changing the behaviors.
First and foremost, are you emotionally shopping? Let's like nip that one right away. There's some staple ones that I already mentioned, everybody should have an automatic transfer to savings. I don't care if it's $5. Make it happen. Yeah, and it's moving not just into a whatever savings account, but move it into a high yield savings account.
Make your money work for you. You don't have to jump into the stock market, you don't have to have all this money. But what is that? That's a basic, everybody should have that. Then we look at where is the waste? Where is your money bucket leaking? Because you had a really rough day, and so I deserve a treat today. Well do you wanna spend this money now at Target or do you wanna spend this money when you get to go to Hawaii on a vacation? Right? Pick a dream vacation. Do [00:17:00] you really want this thing? Or I'd take a lot of pictures of it, right? Instead of buying it, take the picture of it next day.
If you still want it, go back and get it.
break the emotional connection to needing the thing. And when we fix those two, a lot of the easy leaky bucket stuff goes away so that we can start to make. changes in what we're doing with our money.
Barb: Yeah, put it in the shopping cart and then see if you need it 48 hours later.
Erica: On again and try it on again. They'd be like, yeah. I just don't like it this time. And it would go back if that's your pattern. That's emotional shopping. That is shopping 'cause oh my god, it feels so good and I feel so happy right now. And so I just want more stuff. You don't really need the stuff. oh, you know the other one that's super helpful. Beliefs, things ingrained in my system.
If it's a good deal, if it's a good value, you should pick it up.
Barb: Oh yeah, you don't need it, but it was a good deal.
Erica: a entire four bedroom house full of good deals from like Michael's, right? When they to put all the picture frames on sale and all the canvases on sale. And I had a little toddler. And so of course you're pinning [00:18:00] all these arts and crafts things you're gonna do with your kid. And then I'm buying all the canvases, I think like 40. Unopened canvases
went out the door when I got divorced and like cleaned the house and got rid of stuff.
why? Or I'll be like, oh my gosh, there's a food dehydrator. It's on sale. Are you gonna start dehydrating food? No, not today, but it's on sale. You know how
Barb: Someday.
Maggie: I, I feel
like just called out of all the money I just spent at Joanne's while it's closing and everything was a good deal, and I was like, well, now I'm set for three years on yarn. If anyone needs any.
Erica: Yeah, I mean we all have those moments. 'cause I did get that email when Joanne's, I was like, wait, what? Now I have to go buy some stuff. But you know, we're not perfect all the time. But if you can trim back 80% of it. Then guess what? There's less stress. We're not saying this is what's gonna make you a million dollars, but I'm saying this is what's going to give you some breathing room
every single month to not be so stressed and [00:19:00] overwhelmed by money that you're frantic to find an answer right now.
Barb: So tell us about the Crazy Ex-Wife's Club, the podcast and the movement. Where's that going? Tell us all about it.
Erica: Yeah, so the Crazy Ex-Wives Club, we've been out for, it'll be two years in just like two weeks. June is the two year anniversary. So it started like all good magical moments do right? For about a year people are like, you should start a podcast. And I was like, I don't even listen to podcasts. Like, what are you talking about?
Like, I seriously, I barely have time to like. Listen to my audio book. So here we are, right? All of a sudden I'm like, fine. I will dive in. I don't know how to get this started, but I'm following the inspired action. Okay. I am following like, Hey, I'm really like, I feel good right now. I'm really happy with myself.
Things are going well today. Oh, creative idea. What if I talked about this on the podcast? I thought it was actually gonna be about just healing modalities, because I'm all big about like, get into your feels and clean out the gunk so that you can have what you want in life. And [00:20:00] then the name, the Crazy Ex-Wife's Club again.
Little magical download, right? And it was like, yeah, I think that's it. Because when have you not gone on a date with somebody and they're like, oh yeah, my ex is crazy.
Barb: Yeah.
Oh yeah. They're always crazy.
Erica: They're always crazy. They're always crazy. And I was like, yeah, you know what? I had some crazy moments. I had some yelling and screaming. I had some moments that like, Ooh, did I do that?
Why did I do that? We don't wanna be crazy slashing tires, like all the, country songs. Keying cars. Slashing tires, that's bad. Crazy you guys, that's bad. Crazy. That's emotions that are outta control. And I from a little kid have had big emotions and I didn't know how to deal with them. I didn't learn how to take care of my own needs.
I put it on somebody else or uh, you're here now, now you should take care of me. So I feel better.
as I got through my divorce, as I figured out how wonderful and amazing life could be, I was really looking at my son and I was like, God, I don't want [00:21:00] you to have unhealed kids on the playground. I don't want you to have to deal with. Not understanding what do feelings feel like and like get through it and move on and do your thing. And so the podcast was really that platform to help people look at healing the places that broke differently. We don't talk trash about our ex This is about personal transformation.
Yes, it hurt. What does your inner self really need you to see and learn and know about that? How can you meet your own needs and now how can we move forward? Because. I mean, stuff is always gonna come up in life,
control the conditions. You could lose your job, you could have to move, you could get divorced.
It doesn't really matter what the thing is. We all have big moments that come up that are outside of our control. And so how do we take the bounce? So the podcast is about helping women take the bounce. Yes, it hurt. Yes, we need to heal that. Yes, we need to hold space for that and. We need to move [00:22:00] forward.
We can't get stuck in this. We cannot keep being retaliatory towards our ex. The adults and the divorce need to act like adults.
Like kids. And we can only do that when we heal our own inner child wounds. So podcast has been out for two years. This summer, uh, the club launches.
So the club is a private paid space for you to meet other women who are also going through it. For you to have access to the support, the inspiration, the answers that you're looking for, and it's all online. And then you also are sent tools to help you move through your healing journey, right? Because there's not one answer.
I need this book right now, or I need this crystal, or this essential oil, or this ritual, or this whatever. So the club is your place. To get that. I was thinking about this last night, right? I mean, we have so many spaces online. You see 'em all the time about women's business
groups.
my gosh, come join this network.
[00:23:00] It's full of professional women supporting women, okay? Or, oh, come join this mom group. It's, working moms or stay at home moms, supporting moms, Divorce is gonna rock all those pieces. And so this is that space. For you there. Sometimes our friends don't know how to support us.
Sometimes our family has their own personal agenda, so this community online gives you that place to go.
You don't have to do, I mean, how many hours did I spend doing 2:00 AM Google searches trying to
find a blog or somebody's like article that was gonna give me the answer?
We're gonna skip that part, and we're gonna put you in a safe, supportive community with other women with professional guidance. With curated gifts that are sent to you every quarter to support you, because we ladies, we can do a lot more than we think we can when we truly believe in ourselves. So
we're gonna lift you up in those first phases like unhappily, married, early separation, that space where you're like, I don't know, [00:24:00] I'm so afraid to make the wrong decision. I know I can't stay, but I don't know how to move forward and what do I need to do?
Barb: Yeah. And you're certainly onto something because. When I went through a divorce, I was actually in a group like that. All strangers came together in a woman's home. She was a therapist. There were like six or seven of us all in different places in our divorce, some thinking, some almost through it all different concerns about whether the the children, the emotions, the dating, the whatever.
And do you know, to this day we are still good, best friends. Because we all helped each other through a time where we didn't know how to navigate it. We had this range of emotions that we quite sure how to deal with. Plus it was legal issues and financial issues and housing issues and children issues that.
We never had to deal with before. So I think what you're doing is a beautiful gift to women who are really gonna struggle. They're in pain they're uncertain. [00:25:00] And yeah, when women come together, they lift each other up, support systems for one another. And I think what you're doing is really a gift to women who are gonna be going and navigating this really.
time, but they're gonna come out the other side so much more empowered and happier which I think is okay. Divorce is not, a dirty word. It can be very empowering and a gift to yourself if you're not in a very good place.
Erica: Yeah. Well, thank you. Yeah, I miss that community aspect, right? we used to have. Prior to my time, but whatever we used to have, right? When you're in a tribe, you had newlyweds, you had people with
young children, you had the sage advice of your elders. Divorce is the same way, right? We don't know what we don't know.
most of ours the first time. We're trying to figure out our way through it, and when there's just somebody holding a light, even one or two steps ahead of you to be like, you've got this. Like, keep going. You are so close. It helps us get through it faster.
It helps us take the balance to, to be able to move forward and to pick up the pieces because otherwise we get stuck and [00:26:00] we get stuck for a lot of years. Just uncertain what to do, what to trust, what to believe. We can't really trust our thoughts. We can't really trust our emotions. We don't understand why we're still getting triggered or upset at things. And especially, for women like myself who had I climbed the corporate ladder, whatever I set my mind to, I achieved.
So then. Why did this thing keep knocking me on my
butt? Like why couldn't I just move forward and let it go? So if you are stuck in that area, we would love to have you over at the club.
Maggie: Yeah, I think that's so powerful. And I know one thing like Barb that you always say that you shared from the group is also learning just how to not repeat some of the patterns again too, which is, I just think so humans, it's hard to see our own blind spots. And so just to have someone be like, all Right.
now we're stepping back into the same thing.
So let's pivot, let's turn, let's not do that Same thing is always just helpful as well. That way you can continue going forward and not just, have yourself kind of go in this circle. But the other thing, Erica, when you said, when we were talking about this previously and you're sending the [00:27:00] boxes, I love how you also touched on like, I send one, for the holidays, so they have something to open under the tree and I just, or whatever holiday they celebrate.
I just think that's so, thoughtful as a community of having that item there. 'cause if you have, five and six year olds, like, they're not gonna go out and buy you a present and you can't expect like your ex to do that for the kids or something like that. But you know, it's always like, well, why didn't mom get a gift?
Why didn't someone bring her that? And so I loved how it's just that community vibe, even in those situations that you know, are gonna be harder, that first holiday, that first, mother's Day or whatever, where someone's not kind of supporting you there. Which I thought that was a great way to really tighten that community and have that be taken offline and really into those tougher moments.
Erica: Thank you. Yeah, and I just am really excited to send you guys cool stuff. Each quarter, and I timed it specifically around like, so there's one in the summer, that's the one that's coming next month, Then we have September, which is my birthday month because. Again, I'm so grateful that you're here with me, and so I'm grateful that you guys wanna do this work.
I'm [00:28:00] grateful that you're like, yeah, I don't wanna, I don't wanna do divorce where I'm bitter for 20
years
and stuck complaining about it. Like, I'm ready to move forward. So I send you a gift during my birthday. And then December, I remember that was some of the scariest seasons I love. I celebrate Christmas. I love Christmas. It was always my favorite holiday. It took. Almost seven years before I actually started to get back into Christmas because it just knocked the wind outta my sails. Like I couldn't find that loving feeling, but I still had a kid I had to get it ready for. And that fear of is there even gonna be anything under the tree for me? And so when your kid is little, when nobody else is helping them, like I'm grateful that my family would step in, they would rotate between like my mom. My sister-in-law or my sister, somebody would call and talk to my son and say, Hey, what have you thought? What would you like to make? Do you need help on this? and that meant the world to me, but it also is like it's a [00:29:00] real fear. And so I will send you a present so that you have something that you don't know what it is. 'cause guess what? Everybody goes, well buy yourself some things off Amazon or
go to,
Maggie: I do that every week.
Erica: I was like, I already know that I did that all on Black Friday when everything was on sale.
Like, what? So I'm gonna take my Black Friday stuff and wrap it under the tree. Like, this doesn't work. You need something that you don't know what's coming. It is a surprise. And so you will get something in December and then you'll get something in March. So they're curated gifts. There's specific to helping you move through what you're going through so that you feel loved and supported and you got a cheerleader in your corner.
You are gonna get through this.
Barb: Mm-hmm. Beautiful.
Maggie: so if women listening today are, thinking about divorce or going through a divorce, what's like one powerful they could take today to just feel a little bit more in control?
Erica: Ooh, okay. Well, no, I'm just kidding. It's always kind of where they're at, but here is what I would say. Most times you feel out of control because fear is winning in your mind right now, and you are so afraid to make the wrong choice [00:30:00] and the fear of the unknown. What if it gets worse? What if I screw something up?
What if I make the wrong choice? So the one thing, if that's the narrative that's happening in your head is I want you to relieve some of that pressure by saying what is meant for me will always find its way. Whether you've already asked for a separation and now you're wondering if that was the right choice, like whatever is meant for me will find its way. You're unhappily married and you're like, do I stay or do I go, whatever is meant for me, we'll find my way. And then remove the personal demand that you have to have an answer. Now, I don't know today, but I know I'm getting clear. I don't have the answer right now, but I know every day I'm learning a little bit more. I will make the decision when I'm ready to make the decision. 'cause that's the truth, you guys, nobody chooses to leave until they're really ready.
A lot of people will tell you that they stayed far longer than they should have, and then they beat themselves up on that. Like so much shame, so much regret,
oh my gosh, I [00:31:00] wasted all these years. You didn't, you weren't ready. And you don't wanna make that choice until you're ready. So if you are spiraling, if you are spinning, stop putting so much pressure on yourself to have the answer now. Listen to the podcast, read some books. Talk to some other people every day you're picking up more clarity and you will come to your solution if you're open to it.
So just open that door to be able to hear it.
Maggie: That was good, just for anyone listening, any piece of advice. I mean, it'll come to me when I'm ready. So yeah, this has been a great conversation and We have a question that we ask everybody on the show. So Erica, now it's your turn. What is your own definition of financial freedom?
Erica: okay, so what I really wanna talk about is this, is I think that we get so caught up in numbers, especially now that social media and everybody's on social media telling you that they're making millions of dollars by selling a $27 digital download.
Maggie: it's all true. It's all true.
Erica: They're all like, oh my gosh, go start. This is how I retired my husband. [00:32:00] This is how I went from $50,000 in debt. And they're, is it true? For sure. For sure. Is it true for everybody? Nope. It doesn't mean it's can't be true for you. But what I'm trying to say is like we put so much pressure to have that million dollars, and if you're trying to find $5 to buy some raspberries because they look delightful at the store today, that's. Too big of a gap. Remember that? Mind the gap. We can't do that. And so I have been doing a lot of work myself because I think we go, oh my gosh, I wanna be a millionaire. Why? Because we think that millionaires don't worry about money. Okay, well, do you really need a million dollars to not worry about money? What is my new base level that would make me feel so free? Because financial freedom to me is the ability to use my money. To enhance my life by either making it easier or making it more fun. I wanna go on a trip. I wanna fly first class. I wanna go show up at my friend's doorstep and surprise her.
That's financial freedom [00:33:00] to me, right? I wanna be able to go buy a new couch 'cause the one's uncomfortable. Okay, great. That's financial freedom. I wanna hire somebody. God someday when I'm really financially free, I'm hiring a chef because I don't wanna cook. I don't like cooking. I would love to have somebody take care of meal planning for me and having the, food ready to go. I talked to somebody, I thought that meant you had to be a millionaire. And he's like, it's actually, it's not that much money at all. So we just have to get real clear on like, what is the thing that would bring more joy to our life? Because it doesn't have to be a million dollars if. if. 10,000 more dollars showed up right now.
I know we were just talking a little bit about, silent auction fundraiser I'm supporting. That would mean the world that would give so much freedom to the family that we're raising the money for.
so for me it's having just a little extra to splurge when I wanna splurge.
Maggie: I love that. That's great. And Yeah.
having a private chef, I mean, it could be cheaper than takeout every day for [00:34:00] sure.
Erica: for sure. Like, because, 'cause and then I watch some of 'em online on like TikTok and whatever, and I'm like, yeah, I could be so much easier in my life than all. And especially like all the groceries you go buy and then you throw
Maggie: Yep.
Erica: you do it again.
Maggie: The time you grocery shop, the time you cook, you pay for that time back.
Erica: when I have that, I'm gonna feel so luxurious. Oh, i'll be like, ladies, it's time. It's episode two. I got a personal chef.
Barb: There'd be, excuse me, I have to let my chef in.
Erica: Right, exactly. But yeah, I mean, I think financial freedom has to mean a million dollars and it doesn't. It has to mean whatever that thing is so that you can breathe every day and have the space to do what you wanna do.
Maggie: Awesome. This has been great. So Erica, Thank you, so much for coming on and sharing your expertise today. The links to Erica's podcast, the Crazy Ex-Wife Club, and the links for the club, which is opening soon will all be in the show notes so everyone can jump in and be part of that community as well.
So we thank you for coming on today and please share this with a friend as we wanna keep spreading the word.
Talk to [00:35:00] everyone soon.
